Loco Squirrel Season

courtesy: http://www.animal-medical-clinic.com/squirrel-appreciation-day/
courtesy: http://www.animal-medical-clinic.com/squirrel-appreciation-day/

My soon-to-be-daughter-in-law (my what a lot of dashes) almost hit a squirrel this morning on her way to work. As the crazed little critter darted out, then froze in place, she came to a traumatizing (for her) halt, only to see the creature then dart in front of a car coming the opposite direction. That car also stopped. Said squirrel took off with, as she said, a rather ‘Fuck you’ attitude while she frantically tried to pull herself – and the inside of her car – together.

I have had this exact, and I mean EXACT, thing happen – squirrel darts, stops, stares, I honk. It then runs into the path of an oncoming car that screeches, stops, and lands in ditch. Ouch. Same squirrel? The ‘tude was there, but this was much further on down the road, and much as I hate to say it, squirrel number 1 was not destined to live long if he kept up those antics.

This is crazy-squirrel time, and I’m sure there’s a very scientific reason why, but notice as you’re driving (or biking or walking), the significant increase in the number of squirrel bodies lining the road. It’s fall. My guess is they are in manic mode to get all their nuts buried before winter.

Okay, so now to come clean – I have always heard that you should hit an animal to avoid hurting or killing a human being. I’m afraid I don’t see myself as qualified to determine what life form is more valuable or deserving than another – especially not in this day and age.

ISIS anyone?

Summer Peace and quiet (Not)

It’s not often I do this anymore, but today I was feeling thoroughly sorry for myself, so I took my snotty, stuffy self and set out to ‘the chair’ in the backyard to sit in the sun. Book in hand, down I plopped relishing the relative silence of the suburbs on a Sunday afternoon.

Yep – you got it. The late summer serenade of cicadas and crickets was soon drowned out by the booming voice of our kitty-corner neighbor, his wife’s high-pitched shrills, and joy of joys,  his brother with bratty 11-ish bruiser of a son in tow.

“Uncle Dave! Watch me, watch me!” Kaboom!

And so it began. Or should I say, ended. With that cannonball splash I knew my moments in the sweet sun were numbered, but not until I was witness to this discourse between father of brat and uncle of same.

“So you’re headed to Virginia for vacation? Cool beans. Gonna stop in Williamsburg?”

“Nope.” Said dad of brat. “The kids would be bored. There are no rides.”

I knew it anyway, but it was thusly confirmed that these are people I do not want to know.

I hate amusement park rides.

Nick DiChario

Reader, writer, life-long mistake-maker

Judith Shenouda

Author of Living Well in Froggy's World of Plenty: Sweet Talk to Read Aloud; A Bisl of This, A Bisl of That: Eating Our Way; and Career Success in 12 Easy Steps: A Journal; and Owner of Shenouda Associates Inc., Provider of Technical, Marketing, and Business Communications

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