Have you ever felt like you were outside yourself? Like you’re sort of outside looking in? It’s a feeling like you’re watching, judging, and controlling your actions, your thoughts, your BEING from the outside. Like instead of walking down the street and thinking of whatever, like what you’re going to have for dinner, you’re walking down the street watching yourself walk down the street, and thinking about the fact that you’re walking down the street instead of just doing it.
I suspect this is one of those things in life that many of us go through until we achieve what Maslow calls self-actualization: realizing one’s potential, achieving self-fulfillment, and seeking growth and peak experiences.
I do not espouse to having achieved self-actualization in the true Maslow sense, but I do know that something is different. The question I pose is this: when did this ‘different-ness’ happen? When did I stop looking from the outside in? When did I feel comfy dashing out the door clad in sweats, no makeup, and hair askew? When did I stop being a waffler, a woman without an opinion and too scared to express one even if I did?
This new place feels free, fresh and exhilarating. It is sans the hellish ups and downs of the monthly hormone cocktail. It is gray and wrinkly and puffy in the middle. It is be healthy but have fun. It is a damn good place to be. It is menopause and I made it here in one piece!